The First (and now Third, current) Pieboy Tower looked suspiciously like Taipei 101, but we assure you, it is not related to it in anyway.

The Pieboy Tower, also known as The Pieboy6000 Tower was a massive building, currently the fourth tallest known on this wiki at 1,720.6ft. Beaten by the Tricky Towers at 1,727ft, The Thunderbird Tower at 1,730ft and The VortexTTS Tower at 1,870 ft (because we count spires), the Pieboy Tower was located in Vancouver, Canada. It was secretly constructed in 2010, and kept a secret on this wiki until 2011. It is the location of Pieboy6000's operations and videos, and many employees work for him here.

The tower contains many different floors that house different facilities, so that visitors may feel at home if they do visit the tower. The first that looked like Taipei 101 was knocked down, but Pieboy protested, killed them and rebuilt the tower to his liking. Then he knocked it down again on July 18th 2011, and rebuilt it just like the Taipei 101.

It also contains a nuclear missile launch tube, which is used for nuclear tests and for launching nuclear weapons at other countries. This is the only one in creation, and Pieboy is the one with the blueprints, thus the Pieboy Tower is the only tower equipped with nuclear weaponry. This did cause the Vancouver nuclear disaster of July 29, 2011, when a mechanical failure killed the engines in a nuke and had to be detonated to stop worse damage hitting Vancouver.

When the USSR relinquished control of Vancouver in August 2012, the Pieboy Tower became the Russian Embassy in Canada, until the USA annexed Canada in December 2012. It now acts as a large scale military base and a secondary HQ for Russian forces on Earth 2.

Once the USSR dissolved, the base became part of the Russian Federated States. As tensions between the new state and the USA skyrocketed however, this did not last. American forces demanded that, in light of the fall of the USSR, that all Russian forces were to leave and head back to Russia. The forces refused, however, and stood their ground in a hopeless show of force. An error that can only be described as a total fail resulted in a nuclear missile firing and doing cataclysmic amounts of nothing to the American Dreadnought, the Imperialist, which in turn fired its main battery and leveled the entire city of Vancouver. Such a show of force struck fear into the hearts of the new Russian state - but blew tensions as high as they had ever been.

Asredon, hearing the tower he had built was destroyed, silently cursed, quoted as saying, "I left all my fucking vodka in there." He mourned this loss quietly on a journey to Nepal.

Facilities and Floors of the tower

There are many facilities in the massive tower of 101 floors (No connection to Taipei 101 in any way).

Floor -2 - At least ten miles underground, Floor -1 is a Nuclear Bunker that acts as a command centre. Whenever there is an imminent nuclear threat and Pieboy is in the tower, he and his right hand men will board the Emergency Elevator and head down to the nuclear bunker, however the elevator can hold 100 people, and thus is open to the public if a threat does come about. The bunker is huge, at least two miles in length and width, with enough food and water for five years. The trip overall lasts about thirty minutes.

Floor -1 - A large aircraft hanger that is hidden under a field south of the tower. It is incredibly large and has the USSR's back up military vehicles, including choppers and tanks, as well as martian machines. A runway rises when a jet is moved onto the large underground runway so that the jet may take off..

Floor 0 - The Emergency Elevator. This takes people to Floor -2, a nuclear bunker.

Floor 1 - Welcome Area, Ground Floor Lunch area.

Floors 2 through 11 - Lower floor Offices, where workers who do the paperwork and sort legal issues (such as urinating onto peoples heads off the top floor) work for Pieboy.

Floors 12 through 15 - A Federal Holding area where criminals who were workers at the tower are held.

Floor 16 - This floor holds people who have been infected by things like the Really Sucky Virus. Those who have the Really Sucky Virus Eternal Edition will live out the rest of there lives here. People who are infected with any of strains of the Virus (or any other problem) are sent straight here for emergency help.

Floor 17 - The Medical Wing. If someone can be cured from their problem, such as the DARO Retard Capsules, they will be treated here.

Floors 18 through 20 - The Toilets. The only other toilets are the ones for the Higher Workers on Floor 98.

Floor 21 - The Russian Embassy. When not fighting or doing other stuff, Pieboy acts as his own countries ambassador while in this room. Otherwise, an ambassador will take his place.

Floors 22 through 23 - Weapons Range, anyone who steals a weapon will be instantly sprayed with M60's.

Floors 24 - 60 - Five Star Hotel, where it was made Five star because you are permitted to shitting out of the window on to peoples heads below.

Floors 61 - 67, 70 - 80 - The Russian Special Armoured Division Military Facility. Central command for the USSR military and houses the RSAD, a special branch of the USSR. No one but the Division, Extremely high VIP's (Such as Thunderbirds101) and Pieboy are permitted to enter this floor. The RSAD are only released when intense battles break out, or unless someone sets foot in the floors and refuses to leave. They are also the tower security.

Floor 68 - The Nuke Launcher. Nukes are placed here and are readied for launch. From Floor 101 only can the nukes be launched.

Floor 69 - The Pieboy ROFL Brothel. Only VIPs, Pieboy, and the RSAD are allowed in here.

Floors 81 - 97 - Civil Defence Offices. This is where lucky workers are sent to make sure that we know when we are about to have a war, and what our defences are like, and how we can protect the people.

Floor 98 - The Higher Toilets, only for use by Pieboy, and anyone on Floor 81 or above.

Floor 99 - The video creation offices, where Pieboy has his workers create videos for the world, these people are well payed.

Floor 100 - EASlol's suite.

Floor 101 - Pieboy6000's Personal Office and Living Space. Pieboy6000 lives here, and has the room guarded by turrets, that can remain active even in an EMP. The floor can, coincidentally, hold 101 people, meaning Large parties happen every now and then. Employees on floors 81 and upwards can eat lunch in here.

Roof - The Roof has a helipad located on top of a large pillar which is entered by External Stairs. This is used for Emergencies, or whenever Pieboy returns from a trip of any kind. All floors contain a fire escape, and the fire escape for Floors 81 and upwards is either by Helicopter or the Fire Escape Water slide. There is an external Glass elevator that is a bit faulty and tends to get stuck between floors 7 and 8, 20 and 23, and 50 and 65. For this reason, an internal elevator runs up the center of the building up to floor 60, in which they must change to internal elevator B to continue to Floor 69, and then Floor 81 and upwards.

The Spire - Though technically not a room, the spire acted as an ion cannon control centre for the GDI Ion Cannon Control Network, until the system stopped working following the Fourth Tiberium War. The Spire is now instead used as a laser uplink center for the USSR Laser Uplink Cannons.

Legal Issues

There has been several legal issues concerning the tower due to it's floors.

June 17, 2010 - Water Slide Fire Exit was complained about because it was made of plastic and held together with IWAY dough. This was fixed by making it out of metal.

July 19, 2009 - Lower Floor Workers complained about there shitty pays, and demanded a rise. Pieboy raised their salary by £1, left it for a few weeks, then changed it when nobody noticed back to 50p and hour. This was suddenly noticed, the noticer fired (literally, they kicked him out the door while he was on fire), then raised the pay for everybody to £1000 per week.

August 7, 2010 - People in the area complained of loud music blasted from Floor 101 the night before, which was Pieboy's birthday. They were all promptly told to sod off, and no-one really cared.

Octorber 9, 2010 - The external Glass elevator fell straight from Floor 101 to Floor 1 and smashed. Three people were injured, (including the famed Microsoft Sam) from the shards of glass, and made a quick recovery. Pieboy then handed Microsoft Sam $161389561 for his injuries. The glass elevator was reconstructed, and still gets stuck on the same floors it usually did.

December 2, 2010 - A grenade was thrown out of a window during an attack, and hospitalized several people. This was confirmed to be part of a terrorist attack on that day.

March 14, 2011 - A man fell off the roof. This was deemed as the man wanting to commit suicide, and all charges were dropped.

Attacks on the Tower

August 17, 2010 - A massive troll face hit the tower, severely damaging Floors 71 - 93. The building was safe, but had to be shut down for a month for repairs. 1 man was injured.

October 31, 2010 - A Military Jumpjet owned by the United Speakonian Soviet Republic Fired missiles at Floor 101, but the missiles were quickly shot down, and the jumpjet followed, thanks to the RSAD and Roof AA Guns. This is the first known attack of the USSR. It was later confirmed this was a rebel who wanted to command the USSR himself, and stole a Jumpjet.

December 2, 2010 - A Man entered the building at 9:46am and made his way up to floor 41, and started shooting at everyone he saw. He threw a grenade which went out the window and caused a legal issue for the tower. 3 people died, 6 were injured, 2 severely, and 1 man was left in shock. The man, later identified as Bob Schnitzelmoth was executed by target practice, being used as the target, in floor 62.

July 1, 2011 - Radar Overseer Scotty began pelting the building with Baloney sandwiches, causing bad structural damage. The attack was ceased when Scotty turned round and got shot in the bollocks by Vancouver Authorities. Floors 15, 32, 45 and 69 were damaged in the attack.

July 11, 2011 - After learning Pieboy6000 would be backing North My, and the fact that he is actually the Ruler of the USSR, A Myen from South My flew to Vancouver in a jet and bombarded the tower causing major damage. Luckily, Pieboy6000's newly constructed Demolition Repair Droids (DRD's) quickly patched the building up when the Jet buggered off. The Jet was then taken down by the Canadian Navy on suspection of terrorism. They were right. 25 people died, 37 were injured, 6 of them severely. This is the 2nd most damaging attack ever recorded in the tower.

July 30, 2011, 1:54pm - After the Vancouver Nuclear Accident, rogue US soldiers attack the tower. The RSAD fight them and suffer no casualties. The leader is arrested and personally executed by Pieboy6000. He then sent a message to the USA informing them of the Rogue agents attack on the tower, and asked them to "Make sure this doesn't happen again, because the last thing we need right now is attacks after Vancouver has suffered such a tragedy. We may be enemies, but right now is a horrible time to attack after such a tragedy in a large city like Vancouver".

July 31, 2011 - The Thunderbird Tower was testing out some non-nuclear missiles to see how far they could reach. The target systems buggered up in mid-air and they targetted the Pieboy Tower. The Pieboy Tower was quickly warned, however the shield generator was still charging from test on the day of Vancouver Nuclear Disaster. The missiles smashed right into the tower, killing 17, injuring 56, 12 severely. The Pieboy Tower was instantly apologised to by Thunderbirds101, and he was instantly pardoned by Pieboy6000, as they had been warned of the danger before hand and it would have been prevented if the shield system was better.

August 14, 2011 - A ton of Soiturranian soldiers invade the tower. After an incredibly lengthy firefight at the the front door, the RSAD came over victorious, using Vista ammo to repel their attackers quickly. Pieboy himself took part in the battle. 264 died (156 Civilians, 108 RSAD and USSR troops), 235 injured (105 Civilians, 129 Soldiers, 1 Pieboy) and the damage was absolutely massive on the first few floors. This is the 2nd most deadly attack and most damaging attack on the tower yet, and was only won when the RSAD noticed Pieboy was injured, in which they jumped into a near unbreakable defencive stance and repelled the Soldiers until they fled. Remaining Soiturranians were captured and executed later. The tower was closed for 3 hours while DRD's repaired the damage.

November 8, 2011 - Brazillian Militia attack the tower, still annoyed that Pieboy owed them atlaest $300,000 for accidentally blowing up half of the Rio de Janeiro favela. They were denied access to the tower, and opened fire on the tower. One RSAD soldier was killed when a bullet made it through his visor (which he had killed the shielding on so he could wipe it) and shot him in the head; 46 civilians died, and three USSR troops died. 18 Militia died and the other 15 were deported back to Brazil, never to return.

December 25, 2011 - During a Christmas party on the top floor and the roof of the tower, a bomb detonates on Floor 94 at 1:53am, killing 80 workers and critically injuring 43 more. Partygoers hopped on the water slide to escape. Midway down as people used it, another bomb exploded on the slide next to Floor 56 at 2:17am, killing 18 from the explosion and 30 more from falling. People panic, and fire begins to spread throughout the damaged floors. A UH-60 Blackhawk, Pieboy's own, piloted by Nikolai and co-piloted by Bob rescues Pieboy and several VIP's at about 2:43am. As they take off, another bomb detonates on Floor 18 at 2:53am, killing at least 56 people. CH-46 Chinooks move in and begin rescuing partygoers on the roof by 2:55am. 6 gunmen enter the building and begin mowing down would-be party goers, killing around 873 people as they move up the floors. As they move in, a team of RSAD defuse a large explosive that could bring down the building at 3:01am, as another bomb suddenly detonates on Floor 73, killing at least 43 Spetslolz, and 2 RSAD who weren't suited up. The gunmen walk into Room 68 and are immediately gunned down by awaiting RSAD. Fire teams put out the fires and the building was closed until Boxing day. DRDs repair the damage in approximately 23 hours. 1,082 people were killed in the attack altogether (excluding the gunmen).

February 24, 2012 - The Soviet Lulz Brigade attempt to prove that they can do far worse than the Supreme AI and attack with Air and Infantry units. The RSAD and Spetsnaz in the tower fight a hard battle for at least 16 hours. The tower is badly damaged, Floors 24 - 43 are incredibly damaged. About 260 Spetsnaz die, 8 RSAD die, and 473 out of 530 Soviet Lulz Brigade troops are eradicated. The other 57 soldiers are executed on international television, and a verbal warning sent by Pieboy6000 tells Scottyvich Baloneykov to "back off NOW, before the USSR shows how much it has advanced in the past 4 months". Scottyvich was surprised he lost the battle, but gained the location of the Pieboy Tower in Vancouver.

February 25, 2012 - One thousand Soviet Lulz Brigade troops pour into the tower, murdering civilians along the way. They are confronted on Floor 17 by RSAD and Spetsnaz, as well as Radar Overseer/Battle Advisor Bob, Tactic Advisor Nikolai, and Pieboy himself (who was armed with a .357 Magnum Revolver). There was at least 2,169 deaths altogether. 716 civlians, 500 Spetslolz, 950 SLB members, and 3 RSAD. Tactic Advisor Nikolai was critically injured after a throwing knife hit him in the chest. He recovered in about a week. The remaining 50 invading troops were imprisoned for a while, then executed with Rofl-6 Nerve Gas, giving them a terrible death for what they had done. This is the deadliest attack on the tower yet.

February 27, 2012 - A man enters the tower, goes to Floor 19, then leaves. A man who visits the toilet for a dump discovers a large, strange device. The RSAD move in and discover that the device is infact a nuke, and is ticking down to everyones demise. The RSAD Emergency Bomb Defusal Team moved in. The nuke had 10 minutes to detonate. With over 6 million lives on the line, the RSAD: EBDT worked as fast as they could. With 1 minute left on the clock, the bomb was defused. As soon as it was, a bomb was detonated on floor 87, killing 52. The man, identified as Viktor Spalanykov, an SLB member, was pulled in to the Federal Holding place, and questioned. Viktor was then thrown into a room that looked plain and simple. The furniture got pulled into the walls and the ceiling came down slowly, crushing him. Pieboy sent the recording to Scottyvich and told him to back off.

February 29 (two hours before Operation Electromagnetic Doom), 2012 - SLB forces infiltrate the tower and get to Floor 101. Tactic Advisor Nikolai is present on the floor and also incredibly drunk. He hears that invaders are attacking the tower, stumbles towards a cabinet, pulls out Pieboy's sword (that he killed Simon Cheeseteeth with), and goes to meet them. He opens the door, closes it calmly, and quietly mutters something in Russian. Suddenly he jumped into the air and began bouncing himself between the walls, slashing the members of the SLB to pieces as he went, almost like a ninja. After killing all but one, Pieboy walked out to see what happened. Nikolai simply said something in Spanish, mumbled in Russian, announced his love for milk on toast, then collapsed from being so drunk. The SLB member simply said "He simply said 'Я Тактика советник Николай, и я собираюсь дерьма в вашей духовке, затем протрите его на стенах! (I am Tactic Advisor Nikolai, and I am going to shit in your oven, then wipe it on your walls!)', muttered something in Russian I couldn't hear and said 'He aplastado te gusta errores. Que te jodan! (I have crushed you like bugs. Fuck you!)', then said something meaningless, then collapsed of drunkeness...' The SLB member was beaten and sent out on a small boat into the Atlantic. The member was found dead on the coast of Spain a few days later.

///Date Unavaliable///, 2012 - Communist Linux Penguin Army soldiers began assaulting the tower. Pieboy and his right hand men Tactic Advisor Nikolai and Battle Advisor/Radar Overseer Bob joined the fight alongside the RSAD and the Spetsnaz. As the battle went on, Canadian SWAT teams arrived and assisted in fighting the CLPA. Civilians with firearms begin attacking the CLPA, and a local gang, the Vancouver Flaggers begin fighting the CLPA. 2 RSAD, 137 Spetslolz, 1,473 CLPA, 42 Civilians, 30 SWAT team members and 24 members of the Vancouver Flaggers were killed. Everyone (except the CLPA) who was killed in the battle were remembered in a ceremony. King AT88TV of the United Kingdom arrived, and gave the remaining RSAD, Spetslolz, gang members, civilians and SWAT team members received Distinguished Service Medals, the SWAT members, gang members and civilians gained permanent reservations in the Pieboy Tower 5-star hotel until they die, as well as being placed on a memorial outside the tower to those gone, on a separate monument just to the left of the memorial, known as the "Tower memorial", the full name being "A Memorial to those who fought, and to those who fought and are no longer with us".


June 2, 2011 - A few days after the Thunderbird Tower was nearly hit with ROFL-6 Nerve Gas in Illinois, a plume of ROFL-6 Nerve Gas was detected spreading through out the buildings ventilation system, the gas having drifted up from the United States of America into Canada. About 170 people died, many civilians who wouldn't stop panicking and listen to official instructions for once. It was finally contained when the tower's air pumps activated, and removed the ROFL 6 Gas. This is the 2nd deadliest accident on the tower that was ever recorded.

July 19, 2011 - A small fire started on Floor 17 (the medical wing) when a piece of equipment had a technological fault and blew up. This small fire wasn't detected by the fire alarms. Eventually it grew and the fire alarms went off. By the time the Lolcouver Fire Department had got there, the fire had burned through the ceiling and set Floor 18 on fire, and Floor 16 was set on fire. Once they had managed to contain the fire, Floor 17 was completely toasted, Floor 16 was badly damaged, but Floor 18 had only taken moderate damage, as it was designed like a normal bathroom, with tilefloors and walls, making it a lot less flammable. 18 people died (6 reported to have passed away before the fire due to natural causes, or by other medical conditions), 22 were injured, 4 severely. The tower now runs constant maintenance checks every 2 hours, day and night.

July 29, 2011 - A nuke was tested and fired out of the nuke launch tube on the Pieboy Tower. The nuke was going fine until it's engines encountered a mechanical failure. The nuke was very high in the air and was remotely detonated a bit too late, as it was already about to land. The EMP washed over Vancouver and blacked it out, the nukes shockwave smashed every sheet of glass. Atleast 216,246 people have been said to have died in what is the most damaging, frightening and destructive accident that was ever recorded in Canada's history. 6,124 died from falling, either because they were leaning on windows or because they were blinded by staring at the explosion and fell off/out of a building, and the rest died from Radioactive Fallout or the nuclear blast. Pieboy has payed atleast $198,541,863,398,345 to the Canadian government for such a catastrophic accident. The tower's shield went into testing for 1 hour just 5 minutes before the nuke hit, preserving the tower.

November 16, 2011 - An old IS-2 tank that was in maintenance fires a shell into the Lift shaft from Floor 1 to Floor 66 and cause massive structural damage, nearly causing the building to collapse, and by coincidence a Mi-24 Hind makes a total cock-up of a landing on the roof and crashes through the roof and Floors 97 - 101. Once the tower was repaired, the pilot was sent to a flying camp to get his ability to fly back, and the engineer was suspended from the site for about a week. Miraculously there was no deaths, however 87 people were injured when the Hind smashed into the building.

Notable Events (that aren't disasters)

  • July 22, 2011 - A spy plane is shot down near the tower. RSAD investigate the area and discover it to be a US spy plane.
  • February 28, 2012 - The nuke launch tube begins launch preparations during allegiance troubles during the War in the Rofl Island Chain.
  • Two hours afterwards - The nuke launch tube is turned off after negotiations between Pieboy and a US representative.
  • December 21, 2012 - The Pieboy Tower hosts the International "Not the end of the World" party. Some people who turn up are thrown out of the tower for being considered enemies of the USSR. Their names are not released, and the soldiers do not get in trouble as the tower is considered Russian territory. The party is a great success, enjoyed by many. Allies and friends of Pieboy party deep into the night. Many woke up with hangovers the morning after.
  • August 15, 2013 - The towers security is upped a lot, RSAD soldiers now patrolling every floor, with gun emplacements also erected around the tower.


  • The building is most attacked allegedly because the attackers were jealous that the tower had a water slide and they didn't.
  • Floor 69 was made the brothel out of pure coincidence.
  • Originally, this tower belonged to Simon Cheeseteeth, and was taken over by Pieboy6000 after a good bit of sword fighting, resulting in Simon's death, by falling off the roof of the tower. The swords are kept in Pieboy's living quarters today, in a cabinet, now cleaned after it was covered in blood from fallen SLB members after an event. A memorial is outside the tower. It reads: SIMON CHEESETEETH 1978 - 2010 DIED PROTECTING WHAT WAS ORIGINALLY HIS, AND IS NOW SOMEONE ELSES. The sword was used again during an infiltration, in which a very drunk Tactic Advisor Nikolai used Pieboy's sword to kill all but one of the invading SLB members.

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