Prologue (Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 59: Hostages)
Robosoft 3 Reading: In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers…
Robosoft 3 Narrating: "Microsoft Sam, lapsing into control-freak tendencies again, took Radar Overseer Scotty hostage. Officer Flanigan arrested Sam on the spot, but not before Sam summoned up the Devil and She-Devil to torment our heroes. The She-Devil has made yet another advance on davemadson, but God intervened and sent the infernal monsters back to their lair. With Sam undergoing psychiatric therapy to cure him of his control-freak tendencies once and for all, Dave took the task of directing."
Dave: Places everyone!
Sidney: Ready when you are, D.M.
Dave: Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q)
Scotty: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Jimmy: What’s so funny, Scotty?
Scotty: “Q Shield!” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: Didn’t we do this gag before?
Hank: Yes, we did, Dave.
Guy: In “Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 51: Microsoft Sam Goes Wild!”
Sidney: Well, Dave said “Q Shield.”
Dave: Not the letter “Q,” the word “cue.” And it’s not a Q Shield, it’s a WB Shield.
(Wanna Bet?)
Dave: Very Funny! Hah hah hah!
(BC)
Mike: B.C.?
Mary: Have we gone back in time?
Anna: Back in time! What a rush! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(BO)
Beulah: Bo Shield? Who’s Bo Shield?
Abby: Bo knows Shields.
LH Michael: Bo knows diddley.
LH Michelle: Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley, have you heard?
Dave: BEEE-OHHH!
Mike: B.O.? Pugh! Take a shower!
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
You know you’re clean.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT MIKE, DON’T YOU EVER MAKE RUDE JOKES ABOUT MY PERSONAL HYGIENE
YOU BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD!!
*BOOM!*
(GE)
(General Electric)
Mike: Gee.
Mary: GE.
Anna: They bring good things to life.
Dave: What next? Westinghouse?
(WH)
(Westinghouse. You can be sure… if it’s Westinghouse.)
Announcer: You can be sure… if it’s Westinghouse.
Dave: (angrily) NOW CUT THAT OUT!!
(BP)
(Be Prepared. To stop.)
Scotty: Be prepared!
Jimmy: The creed of the boy scouts.
Hank: To stop.
Guy: To stop of not to stop.
Sidney: That is the question.
(GD)
(Gosh Darn)
Beulah: Gosh Darn Pictures?
Abby: Well shucks, (aka sucks) it’s a real Gosh Darn Picture!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): How are things going, Dave?
Dave: It’s a blunderful world of bloopers out there, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner (On intercom): That’s very amusing. Have you heard anything on how Sam is doing?
Anna: He’s still undergoing psychiatric care and he’s very slow in responding to treatment.
Dave: The doctors may be considering a lobotomy for him, but he still thinks he should run the show here.
Mr. Warner (On intercom): You mean his control-freak tendencies may be incurable?
Dave: Only if he continues to indulge in such delusions.
Mr. Warner (On intercom): Take it easy, Mr. Warner.
You know you miss Sam as much as anyone.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
IF THEY CAN’T CURE MICROSOFT SAM OF HIS CONTROL-FREAK TENDENCIES, TELL HIM HE’S FIRED
THAT ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!
*BOOM!*
Mike: Holy Schneikees!
Mary: Are you all right, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner (On intercom): Sorry about that tantrum, but I don’t like having control freaks around here.
(GR)
(Grim Reaper)
LH Michael: Grim Reaper Pictures Inc. Presents…
LH Michelle: “The Harvest of the Dead.”
Sam: So we’re into zombie pictures now?
Dave: Microsoft Sam! You came back!
Anna: Are you feeling any better?
Sam: Never felt better in my life.
Scotty: We were worried sick about you.
Sidney: We thought your condition was incurable.
Sam: The doctor says control-freak tendencies are only a state of mind.
Dave: Just remember: I’m the producer and you’re the director, capeesh?
Sam: Got it, Dave. Nothing can bother me now.
(She-Devil)
*ViD Theme*
Sam: Uh-oh! It’s that She-Devil back again!
She-Devil: Who did you expect? Lady Gaga?
Sam: Don’t mention that harlot to me again! You hear me?
She-Devil: Watch it, Sam! I know her phone number.
Dave: How come you came here alone? Why is the Devil not with you?
She-Devil: He had an emergency to take care of.
Mike: Is it about the Supreme Court legalizing same-sex marriages?
She-Devil: That’s none of your business, you asswipe!
Mike: (angrily) DON’T CALL ME AN ASSWIPE, YOU SUCCUBUS!
Sam: And what brings you here?
She-Devil: I've come for davemadson.
Abby: You can’t have him! He’s mine!
She-Devil: (holding Abby) And who saw him first? Get away from me!
(She-Devil release her eye laser to Abby)
*BOOM!*
(Abby lying hurt)
Beulah: You monster! You knocked Abby out again!
She-Devil: What’s it to you?
Dave: You go back where you came from this minute, you hear me?
She-Devil: (Holding Dave) Hold it right there, davemadson! You and I have some unfinished business to take care of.
God: Hands off of davemadson, you infernal imp!
She-Devil: (Climbing in front of Dave) Don’t come any closer or I’ll shit all over Dave and his friends!
God: Don’t you dare do that or you’ll feel My Wrath!
She-Devil: (ready to shit on them) Enough! Now they’re really gonna get it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
*PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP*
Sam: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Sam barfing*
Mike: I told you I’m not a commode! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Mike Barfing*
Sidney: Don’t use us for toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Sidney Barfing*
Dave: 86 your Number 2! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Dave barfing*
God: How dare you relieve yourself in My Presence! Take that!
(God releasing his power to She-Devil)
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
(She-Devil falling back)
*CRASH!*
She-Devil: Ouch! What a hard landing! My ribcage! My coccyx! Owww!
Dave: Serves the She-Devil right for pooping all over us in defiance of the Almighty!
She-Devil: Oh sphincter!
Robosoft 3 Reading: Later, after God cleaned up Sam, Mike, Sidney and Dave…
(WB Shield goes to the upper-left)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Why didn’t the shield stop?
Scotty: I don’t know, Sam.
Sam: Don’t be stupid.
(WB Shield goes to the upper-right)
Jimmy: Look out! Runaway shield!
Hank: Tales of the Runaway Shield Redux.
(WB Shield goes to the lower-left)
Guy: Watch where that shield lands!
Sidney: If I catch it, do I win a prize?
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Mock me once more and you’re fired!
Scotty: And if you fire me, I’ll kill myself and you’ll be held responsible!
Sam: I will deny all responsibility if you do that!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): And Sam will be in jail for perjury.
Sam: Oh noes! Not that! No no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooo!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Do I make myself clear, Sam?
Sam: Yessir.
------Asswipe!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): (angrily) ONE MORE INSUBORDINATE CRACK LIKE THAT AND I'LL NAIL YOU TO THE SHIELD AGAIN!!
(WB Shield goes to the lower-right)
*LOUD CRASH!*
Scotty: Eee-yowowowowowowowowowowowowow!
Sidney: What happened, Scotty?
Scotty: That goddamned WB Shield landed on my foot again! Eee-yowowowowowowowowowowowowow!
Beulah: Cheer up, Scotty. It could be worse.
Abby: That shield could have run you down like a steamroller.
Sam: DON'T SAY THAT!!
(The WB Shield stopped)
(W drop)
(B drop)
(Shield drop)
(Set drop)
Mike: Holy Schneikees!
Mary: The whole set’s falling apart!
Anna: I guess it’s one of those days.
Dave: Yeah. Let’s take time off while they repair the damage.
Sam: I agree, Dave. And Scotty will pay the bill.
Scotty: Oh coccyx!